


no one's looking

by the_nerd_youre_looking_for



Series: martin can have 1 a nice thing, as a treat [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Loneliness, Set in Season 1, author needs 2 vent and his feelings r easily projected onto martin, canon typical lack of emotional awareness, sad time all around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25603816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_nerd_youre_looking_for/pseuds/the_nerd_youre_looking_for
Summary: Martin could tell you off the top of his head how Jon Sims, Tim Stoker, and Sasha James took their teaHe isn't sure anybody knows how he takes his
Series: martin can have 1 a nice thing, as a treat [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856278
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	no one's looking

**Author's Note:**

> started making it. had a breakdown. bon appetite

Martin took a seat on the break room couch as he waits for the kettle to whistle. He stared blankly at the four mugs set out on the counter (white with polka dots for Jon, blue with flowers for Sasha, "World's Okayest Archival Assistant" for Tim, plain yellow for him) and thought about nothing, really. Just the day's work, what sort of statements he still had to finish follow up for and which he had to start on. Which ones Jon would yell at him about. That thought got a small laugh out of him. That would be all of them, or at least the ones he didn't just ignore him entirely about. That Jon was certainly a character. An unfortunate character to have a bit of a crush on. 

He hummed a little tune and drummed his fingers on the couch and mentally ran through how everyone took their tea. Green tea with one teaspoon of sugar and an ungodly amount of milk for Jon. Lemon tea with three teaspoons of sugar and no milk for Sasha. Earl Gray with more sugar than a human can handle and no milk for Tim. Peppermint with two teaspoons of sugar and just a little bit of milk for him. It had taken some time to get it down pat, but he'd managed it. Martin let himself smile and feel a little bit proud about it. It wasn't really much, not that important, but it was something. And he's heard (more than once, very loudly from Tim) that he can make a damn good cup of tea. Not like that's really important, but it's at least one thing he's good at. Unless Tim was just being nice, but (for once) Martin doesn't think that's the case. Tim is very open and honest with his praise, so if he said Martin's tea was good he'd mean it. 

Thoughts drift aimlessly for another moment before one sticks. Do any of the others know how Martin takes his tea? Of course, _he_ knows. Peppermint with two teaspoons of sugar and just a little bit of milk. He ought to know how he takes his own tea. But...in some scenario where Jon or Tim or Sasha went to make everyone's tea, would they know his? Not at first, they wouldn't know anyone's at first. But Martin remembers everyone's, made it a point to try and get them down as soon as he could. Would they make it a point to remember his? Would they remember he was _there_ to make tea for?

Martin doesn't mind doing it, not at all. It's a nice thing to be able to do and it gives him a nice few minutes to himself at the start of the day. Plus he'd feel weird if someone else was off making him tea. He was awfully used to being a caretaker and being on the other end of it would feel...weird. He would just fuss over if he could help them get the mugs or carry it all out. Just be a bother, probably. So he didn't mind that no one would remember his peppermint with two teaspoons of sugar and just a little bit of milk. He knew it and could make it himself, along with everyone else's because that's what he's _good_ at. Martin might not be much use anywhere else, but he always felt right at home when he could take care of somebody else. 

But the other bit, the ending he'd unknowingly tacked onto that first thought. Would they remember Martin was there, if someone else was to make tea for everyone? The corners of his mouth twitched up a second at that. You'd think they would. Martin wasn't the smallest man around, probably one of the tallest people in the archive. But there was a lifetime of experience that whispered that he wasn't as noticeable or memorable as he might assume. No, they would probably skip right over him and...and he couldn't blame them. If he had to know himself, he'd try to forget about himself too. Not the most pleasant of coworkers.

A loud peal of laughter rang from down the hall and Martin jumped a bit. He'd guess that was Tim (Earl Gray with more sugar than a human can handle and no milk), and Sasha (lemon with three teaspoons of sugar and no milk) said something, also laughing, about one of the statements. Jon (green tea with one teaspoon of sugar and an ungodly amount of milk) was probably doing his business in his office. Martin nearly smiled at the sounds until another thought decided to stick. 

_They don't need you_

And...well. Something about it made his eyes and chest burn and Martin shut his eyes tight and took a deep breath. He was _not_ going to start crying right here. Although he didn't think anyone would hear him if he did (he was good at being quiet) and no one would really notice him when he handed out everyone's tea. For his own dignity, then, he did not want to cry right here. 

But the thought was true, and that was what made his heart ache. Martin would try and try, but they really didn't need him. They were all friends together in Research, so it wasn't like he was an important part of the group or anything. They were nice to him, but Tim and Sasha were nice to pretty much everyone. Jon was probably the most honest person down here, he made sure to let Martin know that he wasn't really needed around. In face, he just seemed to cause more problems for everyone, so that was just another thing. Work would be more efficient. And they all knew how they took their own tea, so they didn't even need him to do this. It was _nice_ of him to do, but they didn't need him for it. He just got in the way of things. If Martin just up and left, he wasn't sure if they would even notice. Or maybe they would notice and just not care. 

Martin didn't know where he would leave to. He needed the job. Someone had to pay to take care of his mother. 

At least she needed him, even if she didn't like him much. 

Lord, he was so stupid. Thinking about stupid things like that. Of course none of them need him, no one really does. Martin should just assume that by now. He waves away the fog (fog?) that collected around his glasses and fogged them up. No, wouldn't be fog, how the hell would it be fog? It was just steam from the kettle, and as if on cue, it started whistling. Martin hurriedly wiped his glasses and turned the kettle off before the noise could bother anybody. Didn't want to bother anybody more than he already did. 

____

"Hey, something up?" Tim asked, looking up when Martin sat his usual mug down on his desk. "You look a little sad."

Martin shrugged and put a smile on. "No, I'm alright. Didn't sleep much last night." The lie came easily, almost slipped out without him noticing. 

Tim gave him a good looking-at, clearly trying to detect any lies. "Well...alright." He frowned. "But I'm always around if something _is_ up, you know?" 

"Yeah. Thanks." He smiled again and continued his usual rounds. He felt upset that Tim hadn't pushed it and then felt selfish for feeling upset. Martin wasn't about to go spouting everything in the middle of work just because he got a little upset earlier. No, it was probably for the best. 

**Author's Note:**

> writing this was actually so lovely for me i might have to do this more often wow
> 
> dont come at me for putting a hallway in the archives it is my brain and i will imagine the layout of this building as i see fit


End file.
